When we have been exposed to new ways to think, be, and do, it takes a habitual practice to figure out what works for us as an individual, and what works when we are interacting with someone else. If I think about my personal growth journey, the first two and a half decades of my life were focused more on other people's needs over mine. I thought if I could please them, lead them, serve them, I would be accepted as who I am.
But, when I started to question who I was without doing for others first, I was ready to build the next version of myself.
Do Your Personal Development Goals Include The Next Version Of Yourself?
Just like any good software release cycle, it was time to build and release a new version of me and make sure it was better than the last. Techies call this version control, release management, continuous development, software development life cycle, etc. The geek in me will always refer to industry terms to explain a personal growth concept because it is easier to explain and where my mindset was for so many years - the doing, not the feeling.
I am fortunate that I had unconditional love from friends and family members who gave me a glimmer of acceptance and love even though I did not believe it most of the time. My self-loathing ruled and allowed for my over extension of care and service to others over my own needs. And while others didn’t really know this (and really I didn’t either at the time), my personal development goals meant I had to do something different- I had to put myself first and ask for help. The current version of me now incorporates the habit of stopping and asking myself a few key questions and honestly answer:
What do I really need right now?
Is this something I can do on my own or do I need help?
Is this the best use of my resources? (time, money, energy)
Who can I ask to help?
Am I assuming someone else knows what’s going on in my head?
My personal development goals were to feel more, ask for help more, communicate more and put myself back into balance in regards to my needs. I am so grateful for this upgrade. I am grateful that when I do ask for help, I am learning something new. I am learning how other people get things done, and want to reciprocate all that I offer them. I am learning that they would like to show up for me as I show up for them, and it makes all of us stronger. It makes the relationship stronger.
Asking for help can free me up to focus on other things and grow in other ways if I have people help me in arenas I may not be as strong in. I am so grateful for the acceptance of help. I didn’t realize how much weight was carried on my shoulders when I was trying to do it all.
Sometimes it is still hard for me to ask for someone when I need help. That’s when I practice my new habit and pause and check in. I am getting better at it, but that version of me who didn’t think she was worth it or want to burden someone else with my needs is a remnant bug in my software that still occurs. Thankfully our personal development goals are achieved through awareness and new habit formation, regardless of software bugs.