Today, I am reminded on a conversation I had with my husband on our 6th wedding anniversary and want to share it with you. Every year, we take time to check in on what we have accomplished and where we stand spiritually, physically, our family status, personal goals, and wealth management. This particular anniversary felt a little different mainly because we have not accomplished what we hoped and we knew we needed to do some reworking. For us, reworking is checking in on our mindset, our goals and the actions we need to tweak to achieve them.
Areas we focus on are: our environment, our mindset, our personal goals, our financial goals, and our relationship goals. We grow through exposing ourselves to new things and begin to consider more, desire more, get rid of what does not work, and lately, move closer to an uncompromising stance. We also believe if you don't put in the effort to grow together, you will grow apart. In this particular year, the topic of being uncompromising surfaced.
What is an ‘uncompromising stance’? I will give you a very real example from our lives. A man’s choice in the car he drives represents way more than I will ever understand. If it is the right car for him, he will walk taller, shoulders back, and have pride in driving a vehicle of his dreams. Gentlemen, am I right?
Well, when Jeff and I were deciding on a car, we made the practical decision to get a 4-door Prius. Not only did the gas mileage economy make sense for our living situation, we were anticipating having children and needing a vehicle that could easily manage car seats. The Prius doesn’t represent Jeff as a man, but it does represent him as a man who compromised for a bigger goal. This was admirable, but after four years, discomfort from road noise and less that exciting driving performance, an aggravation started to fester in him. We don’t have kids, and we might not. In fact, we asked ourselves over dinner and a glass of wine, What if we don’t have kids, what would we do differently?
This particular anniversary conversation was amazing because it allowed us both to release something real and scary: the possibility that we may never have kids. It was a year after our last miscarriage, and we had halted IVF treatments so my body could heal and we could focus on the move to Colorado. This vocalization of where we were in that moment, allowed us then to discuss what it would look like to be UNCOMPROMISING in the present. To stop being so future goal oriented and make decisions on the life we have today!
I asked Jeff, what would be an uncompromising action you would want to do today that represents him right now?
Jeff blurted out without hesitation, I am going to buy a sports car!
To which I replied, Hell yeah you are, Baby!
It was so exciting! I saw Freedom in his eyes and such a passion for the life we have now! High Five! Be Uncompromising!
My husband has always thought of others before himself. He shows up to his daily grind and extends himself to manage his team and tries fulfill the demands of his management team to provide an income for us. He compromises in our marriage, as much as I do, to ensure we make it work and pour love into each other every day. This conversation awakened us to consider what it would be like to make uncompromising decisions and focus on fulfillment now! We earned it, why not live it!
The easiest way to get into an uncompromising life is when we are living our truth. Taking actions that fill us up and align with who we are today and then pivot as life shifts, which it will. The truth is, we took the extra cash we had and invested in trying to build a family. That investment didn't pan our. Now we can shift our focus on investing elsewhere which may result in a new sports car, trip somewhere new, update the house, etc.
What we had to let go of is living with a compromised decision that no longer serves us today. An uncompromising action makes you walk taller with pride and reap the benefits of our hard work. Go after what you really want, like a promotion at work, or make a connection with someone who inspires you, and see how other truths come to you with ease.
Why not, right? Life is short. We have too many occurrences where we had plans in place, took action, and it still did not result in what we thought we wanted. It was true to us then, we learned from our failures, what we had to realize is when the compromise for a failed outcome no longer serves us. It was time to let go and reassess what we truly wanted. Take new actions with a focus on NOW.
Questions for Reflection
Where are you compromising in life and why? How does that compromise serve you? How does it show up? For some of my clients they get stuck in the stretching and trying of something new only to discover it doesn’t really work for them. But then, instead of moving into the next thing, they stay in that space because they are unsure of the next outcome.
Fear of failure or self-doubt creeps in and keeps them from trying something new again, thinking they will find the same “that didn’t fit” result. Which leads me to ask: Do you give yourself permission to change your mind? How do you know what works and doesn’t work/ what fits or doesn’t fit, if you don’t try?
What have you been longing to try but have put off? What are you willing to now be uncompromising with today?